a little inspiration

  I can't believe it is New Year's Eve.  Life is so different than it has been before that I can't quite keep up with the time.  So here are some thoughts that have crossed my mind today. 1- I am so thankful.  Thankful for friends and family and even some kind strangers.  I am thankful for you for reading and checking in even when I display a complete lack of "having it together."  Thank you! 2- I can hardly believe the things that started this year as ideas and have come to fruition.  At the beginning of the year we were just plotting on how to get to Asheville.   Now we live here.  At the beginning of this year I was pregnant and then miscarried.   Now I am exactly one month from my due date.  Both of these things are so big I am surely missing the point, but I am living them each day and trying to enjoy each moment. 3- My son is changing so much.  He makes me crazier than crazy but he also is kind, tells fantastic st...

  Our dear friend gave Emerson gymnastics lessons for his Christmas gift.  I've been looking for just the thing to start him with since before we moved.  I thought maybe dance classes or soccer but after we moved I found this great gymnastics place.  I wanted him to have a dedicated class that doesn't involve me where he could be learning to use his body and have to follow directions.  He has a lot of free play time in our other activities and I wanted this to be about learning some self regulation and discipline along side getting the energy out. The gym has terrible lighting but here are a few images from his first class.  I am excited to watch him grow and learn here in a small class where he will get to both run and jump and flip and have to wait his turn.  Also, I'll be sitting in the lobby crocheting or cooing at a baby while all that is happening.  Bliss. {Thank you dear Nicole!} Ps- E wants you to know that the red parts are t...

We finally have a library with a story time worth visiting.  Right around the corner with a librarian who is kind and understanding of children.  Emerson is rapt with attention while she talks and reads.  He talks about her during the week when we aren't there.  She allows him to help and participate and he just adores her. He is also learning about checking out books and returning them as we simplify his library at home down to just the essentials.  When you can't put books away on your own it gets a little silly to have so many.  We plan to cycle them in and out as needed, but for now, one small shelf is more than enough. In order to keep track of the library books I thought it was time for a dedicated bag where the books could live while visiting our home and so he can carry his own back and forth.  His book bags aren't quite right for the job (oddly enough) as children's books vary so much in size and the zippers aren't as friendly to little ha...

Taking her to church each week is kind on my own time in sanctuary.  Mountain views and quiet time are so amazing.

Surprisingly I have been getting some quilt blocks together between the breakdowns and the calm seconds.  Mostly because I have had some seriously good help.  Thank goodness for grandmas and husbands.

Trying to focus on this instead of that. I feel guilty for not looking to see more about what happened, but I don't think I could take the details.

The weekend before he had had made his own counting stick.  He was thrilled when she called on him to help her.

An example of working together where both parties were happy.  So rare and so special. {And the camera charger was found. }

This is more like what most days feel like.  I am standing still and everyone else is a blur.

Though it is hard to tell, this was hours of work.  It felt so good to work in peace with no distractions.  I love how all the bits come together so nicely. 

The days keep getting way from me.  My real camera is out of batteries and I haven't unearthed the charger. Back to the cell.  I have quilts on the brain.

Some how I missed a whole day.  I find it amazing how these art projects are only fun for a couple minutes for me.  I wonder what I am missing when I see others talk joyfully of creating with their own littles.

I found the WNC Nature Center a bit by accident.  I would have looked for it more in Spring because the name led me astray, but when I passed a sign that pointed to way I had to check it out.  Turns out, it is a zoo with only local animals and farm animals.  Perfect really.  I was imagining lot's of trails and things like that.  Not so perfect for the winter and this belly. We've been three times in the few weeks we've been here.  It is a small place but it wasn't until this last time that we even walked the whole thing.  Because the farm area is so engaging we can't get him out.  I mean, how can you leave this giant bunny .  Especially when it isn't a "petting" animal but it stays there while you sneak your arm in and the lovely people who work there don't seem to mind a bit. Right next door to him is a little area for doing "farm work." A couple small wheel barrows, rakes, shovels and bean bags.  And some hay to feed through the ...

  Some days the light and the air feel so perfect.  I still wish his ears worked better, but that bunny doesn't seem to mind.

E in his new cave fort.  We are in a great neighborhood.

Raw cranberry relish over cake donuts.  Call it a craving if you want, it is sooooo good. 1 bag fresh cranberries 1 (large) clementine 1 gala apple 1 tbsp of honey granules A little about how good cranberries are for you.

My camera is back in action.  I'm going to try for another December Photo Project this year.  I am so happy to be done with relying on a phone for pictures. John and E are putting together our new bed frame.  I was kicked out since they don't want me in the way of the "hard work."  I have fantasies of a huge quilt by Christmas.  With hand stitching.  I know. I know. I was invited to a craft group for grownups with child care at a nearby church.  I practically ran to it.  Hello, brilliant!  E had a great time.  We will certainly be back next week.  And every week they hold it from now until eternity. :) He starts a short preschool type class next week.  Just one day for 45 minutes and I go too.  But it sounds like fun.  We have the week set up so far with easy activities almost every morning.  I'm happy with the rhythm.  Out each morning at about the same time and then free all afternoon.  Not too ...

As it turns out, I have a lot of thoughts this year about my birthday.  I feel like I am thinking about the year older more than ever as I approach this one.  I've begun to start combating the aging process of my skin recently because it is starting to show signs that I am not so young.  As a person who fought acne for so many years, this is new.  Working so hard to look like a grown up and now that I do (hello forehead- I'm talking to you!) not feeling all that great about it. With all the change and work of the last few months I am finally able to look past the move and onto the next big thing.  In just a couple months we'll have a new addition.  A tiny baby to fall in love with and throw off any rhythm we may have found.  A big brother created from an only child.  I have no idea what all this looks like and I am trying not to be too eager to find out.  I imagine "hard" and "amazing" will top the list of adjectives. Emerson's adjustm...

We have spent the last week without Papa.  Finally, yesterday he arrived and we are all together again.  E did so well, but he really is a Papa's boy.  Others have a place in his heart, but not THE place. When Papa got home E was glued to his side.  Even though we were getting back in the car to go to visit family for Thanksgiving and Papa had to get ready.  E helped Papa shave most of his week long beard off. They are so sweet.  I am so glad to see them back together again. I think he likes his Sissie, too. Hope your day was full of love!

We're here.  And still standing somehow.  I wish I had a camera that worked so I could share with you some images.  Brightly colored trees, golden sunlight, chipmunks and squirrels busy as can be.  We're finding everything we can that is offered in play dates and story times. It is so different to balance the work of relocating with the play so important to a little person.  The people are so, so great here.  The midwife has already been over.  I am hoping to set up some acupuncture after Thanksgiving.  Neighbors keep dropping by to say hello and offer help or a small gift. Life is so, so full and so good, too.

Emerson was in need of a new hat.  He loves all the pink and purple stuff coming in for Sissie.  And he loves berries.  Blue berries especially.  I thought these two colors looked like the outside and inside of a blueberry.    Mmmmm. Yum. And I wanted him to have an elf style hat.  Because they are dang cute.  And how many more years does he have to wear such a thing?  Or will he want to?  Right now he loves to put things on the moment I am done.  Before I have even really finished the final touches.  I adore that. We used the last couple days, as the storm came and went, as an excuse to get a lot more packing done.  The kitchen dishes are almost all packed away and the office continues to move along.  All the off season clothes are in boxes.  It was surreal to stand in the kitchen quietly wrapping dishes in newspaper while watching the rain and wind out the window.  Hoping beyond hop...

Moving is overwhelming.  Not always in a negative way, sometimes it feels just plain good to be stepping into this big change.  But always, it is sooo much, packing, cleaning, visiting, calling, scheduling, running... I look forward to spending the weeks after the move in some kind of suspended animation.  Getting all the important things unpacked and putting away the other tasks for the ever indefinite "later."  Renting for a little bit allows us to ignore things like painting or hanging pictures or any renovating we might have thought we could do (ha!) The internet will allow us to put in orders for things and watch them show up in a truck driven by someone else.  All the important things will be there already.  Us.  By Thanksgiving we should all be home together there and have a week before John starts his job where we can just be together and explore our new world. And life will turn into something so different as the year closes out.  Bef...

We found a house!  And a midwife!  Life is good.  I spent the last week driving around looking at houses and conducting interviews.  The town is so great and the community so open and friendly that I am sure we'll be settled and comfortable in no time.  I am sad to be leaving friends here, there are some really great people, but I am happy that this move finally feels firmly like a good thing.  I'm not very good at indecision.  I've always been the type to make snap judgments and stick by them.  Dithering makes me a little crazy. We will be moving in a just a few more weeks.  Action time is here and I'm ready.  Except for the fact that I'm about to enter the third trimester and can hardly help with anything during the actual move.  Ah, well, they say it is the thought that counts.  I am pretty sure they weren't talking about moving though! I love the feeling of purging you have when you move.  All that stuff ...

Our little guy has been coughing non-stop since he went to bed last night.  All day yesterday it was building.  All night he called for Papa any time Papa tried to sneak away.  Almost all day today E has been playing, cuddling and coughing on his Papa.  Thank goodness for having your very favorite person around when you are sick!  I am a little afraid of what it will be like tomorrow when John goes to work. I've been re-arranging and sorting and throwing things out all day.  Why, you ask?  Well, because we are moving!  We are packing up this troop and taking the show on the road.  Okay, not quite, even if it does feel like we are managing a circus.  We are moving a few states away.  Next week I am going to go down and look at houses.  I am excited, terrified, overwhelmed, and a little shell shocked.  It is something that we've been planning for about a year so for things to finally fall in place seems somehow wild. H...

{photo by  kwc909 } Lately I've been in love with coconut oil.  I started using it on my belly a couple months ago and just the other night I decided to make an eye cream with it after noticing the smile wrinkles around my eyes were stating to look like a delicate tissue paper. I think this pregnancy is sucking all the water out of me so I am needing to replace moisture at an alarming rate.  I've always had kind of greasy skin on my face so the thought of putting straight oil on it never seemed like a good idea.  But somehow in the last few months I realized it was a good idea.  And I would say that my skin completely agrees. A little goes a long way and my skin has the "glow" it was missing.  The dry patches around my eyes are already going away.  I feel so much better I am even wearing lipstick when I leave the house. Yay!

Oh, how fast you've gone!  I blame it on your perfect weather and packed schedule.  It has been so nice to enjoy every moment of sunshine and cool mornings.  I even actually want to drink hot drinks in the morning again! I've felt as Sissie becomes ever more active.  I've planned and prepped and planned again.  I watched Emerson discover the fun of camping and of jumping pillows.  I've giggled as he told me he is a "grown mup" now.  I found out about the death of my best friends mother and celebrated her life with his family.  I've cried and laughed.  I've sat by a water fall and watched the sun light sparkle across the mica filled sand. I've driven many, many miles.  I've watched dreams get closer to reality.  I've seen magic on a playground, in a sand box and in a bowl of play dough.  I've rejoiced in the company of family. Thank you for being so sweet and mostly gentle. Love, All of us {picture by Carolyn, or maybe...

 Up first and preparing breakfast. Two friends catching fish.

I am a storm of crochet.  I made tiny baby bonnet in a day.  And I tore half of it out to start over once.  I have been washing diapers to prep them so I can pack them away and not think of them again until she is here. She.  This is taking some getting used too.  I said "it" all the way through my pregnancy with Emerson.  I said "it" for 9 weeks before I miscarried.  I said "it" for the last 14 weeks or so.  "It" is hard habit to break. So in addition to she, until we are really settled on a name, and even afterwards, her nick name will be Sissie.  This is what my grandmother went by most of her life.  In this pregnancy I have felt Grandma Sissie by my side many times, even though she dies when I was 15.  Her husband, Jerry, died the year Emerson was born and I know he too would have been elated to know I was having a little girl.  He would have known she was nearby too. So, Sissie she will be.  I pulled out the gold...

Once upon a time, there was a mama who crocheted.  One winter she started making a baby blanket for a baby that didn't exist.  A little baby girl who would need to be tucked into a soft warm blanket of wool and silk. A few weeks after she finished this magical blanket, she found out that she was indeed pregnant.  Surprised and excited, she wondered if it would be the little girl who had inspired the blanket.  Not long after she found out the baby had died.  The mama was so sad, but had little time to grieve, for she had her hands full with an amazing and wild little boy. While waiting to get pregnant again, the mama worried that she wouldn't trust her body.  And when she finally had the happy news that a new baby was growing inside of her, the mama became almost paralyzed with fright.  Because more than anything, she wanted this.  She knew that another loss would be more than she could stand. Soon, but not so soon, it appeared ...

Right now I am doing a tiny little project that involves zippers.  I have only once made something (successfully) with a zipper before.  I stitched it in by hand.  Today, I am using the machine.  Don't laugh too hard, but I am very proud of this. Last night, I spent some time doing some writing exercises.  I love writing long hand with a nice pen on paper that is a little scratchy.  I love words flowing onto paper and watching my handwriting as it gets prettier and prettier the more I write.  I love seeing the ideas that I didn't know were in there.  I love it when a little phrase or idea writes itself across a page with grace and beauty.  It is a great place to find the flow and pour the heart and calm the racing mind. And oh, I am full of racing heart and mind.  My chest is full of fluttery anticipation. Each day bringing us closer to things I don't fully understand (is there anything we can fully understand? ever?) Answers an...

  We are waiting on the ultra sound next week to see the gender of this baby.  We are waiting for the cooler weather and camping trip coming up.  We are waiting to see if my first batch of homemade yogur t will turn out.  We are waiting for other news I can't share yet. But it is good! I am trying to enjoy the fluttery feelings of excitement.  I am trying not to rush the days past.  Trying to love each happy or trying moment.

  We have a new development at our house.  I believe we have some monsters that have moved in.  Or may be moving in.  Or once lived here... Emerson was previously worried about dark places.  Usually because that alligator who lives upstairs might get him.  Now, we moved past alligators and on to the more perilous and less definable "monsters."  He has moved from a worry that could be helped by reminding him that he could just tell the alligator not to bite him and to go away and on to a complete unwillingness to enter a darkened room without a hand to hold.  I read today that this is a normal developmental milestone for his age. The trick is, of course, we are really working hard to get him to bed on his own before the baby comes along. His room is on the front corner of our house and because of that when cars drive by lights make strange shadows travel across his walls.  It actually isn't ever very dark in any room in our house.  Y...

:Feeling my body expand each day and making peace with the welcome discomfort. :Finding myself reacting sensitively to well meant comments and laughing at myself right along with feeling agitated. :Wondering how a person can think so much about diapers.  What a weird obsession. :Loving the few stitches here, few stitches there, crocheting that is happening. :Enjoying seeing Emerson do new and more responsible things each day. :Trying not to be too hard on the other things. :Amazed at this beautiful, gentle August and it's pleasant weather. :Hearing all the sounds of bugs and birds and bells in my neighborhood. :Realizing that spelling is still not my thing. What is in your right now?

Recently I have been trying a new technique in parenting.  Stopping.  Stop saying no, correcting, redirecting, cringing.  Look away unless you think there will be blood.  Don't warn of trouble (You might fall if you x.) unless there seems a real danger of someone else getting hurt or serious injury.  You see, I am not naturally cautious or rule bound.  But somehow I have gotten it into my head that my son should be.  I think perhaps- because he is so fearless and so driven to do certain behavors that I would never consider- I have fallen into the trap of "parenting" all the time.  If I don't watch myself our whole day can sound like this: Don't bang on that. Put the stick down. Stop yelling. How about watching a program instead of helping me make dinner? Don't bang on that. Don't grab me. Be gentle. Stop yelling. Don't play with your food. Are you eating that or are you ready to get down? You get the idea, right?  Too much pare...

  Tomorrow, we go get our Bug.  A week at Oma's house and I'm dying to get him back.  I've enjoyed the week and gotten somethings done.  But unlike last year when the whole time was just right and I wasn't really missing him, this year I have.  Is it the pregnancy hormones?  Or that I know he has had a hard time?  Or that he is adorable as a three year old?  I have no idea, but it will be good to scoop him up when we see him. I want to show our dining room before it gets cluttered and lived in looking.  While it is still in the pristine, pre-play state.  I'm sure you'll see plenty of pictures afterwards later!

I had a plan. I had some supplies on hand. I was brave. I went for the more complicated one first. I love how it turned out. I am happy I went with the "brave" fabric combo.   Making my own maternity clothes is cool.

I've never really looked forward to winter.  I mean, I spent the first years of my life in Haiti and can still remember the first time I saw snow and thinking that that was just crazy!  And when you are young and in school you are programmed to look forward to summer.  I always looked forward to warm sun on my skin, the chance to get off the schedule. This year is different.  In the middle of this winter we are expecting a new addition to our little family.  I cannot even begin to express my excitement.  After experiencing the disappointment of a miscarriage it is amazing about ten times over to know a new life is growing inside my body. Honestly, I've struggled so hard to believe this was true.  That it is really happening and not just a delusion.  We saw the heartbeat at 8 weeks and I heard it at 12 weeks.  After hearing it I began to believe, to trust.  So now, here I am, dreaming of cold days full of entertaining a nearly 4 yea...

: The sound of Emerson playing (bands, catching fish, rolling cars to Desi...) with his Moriah. : The ease of dinners this week as I remembered to take my own advise and use my meal planner. : The sound and feel of rainy, misty days.  And storms. : The fun of wrapping presents for friends in painted paper and then covering them with stickers. : The thought of painting the dining room a lighter, brighter white. : A really great book that is helping keep me right where I belong. Parenting for Peace. : The thought of a weekend coming.  Yay for weekends and Papas and Grandmas! : The thought of my dad having a great time at VMD this year.