Friday, September 28, 2012

Dear September,

Oh, how fast you've gone!  I blame it on your perfect weather and packed schedule.  It has been so nice to enjoy every moment of sunshine and cool mornings.  I even actually want to drink hot drinks in the morning again!
I've felt as Sissie becomes ever more active.  I've planned and prepped and planned again.  I watched Emerson discover the fun of camping and of jumping pillows.  I've giggled as he told me he is a "grown mup" now.  I found out about the death of my best friends mother and celebrated her life with his family.  I've cried and laughed.  I've sat by a water fall and watched the sun light sparkle across the mica filled sand.
I've driven many, many miles.  I've watched dreams get closer to reality.  I've seen magic on a playground, in a sand box and in a bowl of play dough.  I've rejoiced in the company of family.
Thank you for being so sweet and mostly gentle.
Love,
All of us

{picture by Carolyn, or maybe Debbie?}

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Camping Fun

IMG_1553.JPG

Up first and preparing breakfast.

IMG_1575.JPG

Two friends catching fish.


Sunday, September 9, 2012

Sissie

Day of the Dead Altar

I am a storm of crochet.  I made tiny baby bonnet in a day.  And I tore half of it out to start over once.  I have been washing diapers to prep them so I can pack them away and not think of them again until she is here.
She.  This is taking some getting used too.  I said "it" all the way through my pregnancy with Emerson.  I said "it" for 9 weeks before I miscarried.  I said "it" for the last 14 weeks or so.  "It" is hard habit to break.
So in addition to she, until we are really settled on a name, and even afterwards, her nick name will be Sissie.  This is what my grandmother went by most of her life.  In this pregnancy I have felt Grandma Sissie by my side many times, even though she dies when I was 15.  Her husband, Jerry, died the year Emerson was born and I know he too would have been elated to know I was having a little girl.  He would have known she was nearby too.
So, Sissie she will be.  I pulled out the gold name necklace that bears her name.  My Grandmother wore it almost all the time.  Now I will wear it to honor her and welcome this new little lady who seems to be so in tune with that lovely and indomitable woman.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Grateful

P1210219.JPG

Once upon a time, there was a mama who crocheted.  One winter she started making a baby blanket for a baby that didn't exist.  A little baby girl who would need to be tucked into a soft warm blanket of wool and silk.
A few weeks after she finished this magical blanket, she found out that she was indeed pregnant.  Surprised and excited, she wondered if it would be the little girl who had inspired the blanket.  Not long after she found out the baby had died.  The mama was so sad, but had little time to grieve, for she had her hands full with an amazing and wild little boy.
While waiting to get pregnant again, the mama worried that she wouldn't trust her body.  And when she finally had the happy news that a new baby was growing inside of her, the mama became almost paralyzed with fright.  Because more than anything, she wanted this.  She knew that another loss would be more than she could stand.
Soon, but not so soon, it appeared the baby was thriving and growing.  Soon, but not so soon, she found out the baby was in fact a little girl.  A little girl that would be born in the midst of winter and need a soft warm blanket of wool and silk.  And the mama rejoiced with the news.  And she hoped that she would be brave enough for all the things that followed.
Nameste.

P1210216.JPG

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Write now.

writing

Right now I am doing a tiny little project that involves zippers.  I have only once made something (successfully) with a zipper before.  I stitched it in by hand.  Today, I am using the machine.  Don't laugh too hard, but I am very proud of this.
Last night, I spent some time doing some writing exercises.  I love writing long hand with a nice pen on paper that is a little scratchy.  I love words flowing onto paper and watching my handwriting as it gets prettier and prettier the more I write.  I love seeing the ideas that I didn't know were in there.  I love it when a little phrase or idea writes itself across a page with grace and beauty.  It is a great place to find the flow and pour the heart and calm the racing mind.
And oh, I am full of racing heart and mind.  My chest is full of fluttery anticipation. Each day bringing us closer to things I don't fully understand (is there anything we can fully understand? ever?) Answers and questions that come out at the same time.  Hopes and dreams that travel right alongside every day realities.

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Waiting

 DSC01253.JPG

We are waiting on the ultra sound next week to see the gender of this baby.  We are waiting for the cooler weather and camping trip coming up.  We are waiting to see if my first batch of homemade yogurt will turn out.  We are waiting for other news I can't share yet. But it is good!
I am trying to enjoy the fluttery feelings of excitement.  I am trying not to rush the days past.  Trying to love each happy or trying moment.