a little inspiration

I'm having a bit of creative dissonance right now.  I love to make things, but I have enough.  I love to make clothes, but I am not that great at it, nor do I have the time to get my skills caught up to my ideas. I've played with a minimalist wardrobe and I've always envied monks and nuns of all religions in the perfection if their uniform.  Lots of articles have been floating around recently about creating a uniform for yourself.  I'm so attracted to this idea.  And yet... I don't want to get rid of the things I have right now that I like but wouldn't fit into the uniform idea, both rtw items and handmade.  And I don't have the budget to go out and just get a new set up (even if my idea of a new set up is 5 t shirts and a couple button ups.)  Because I've always tried the uniform kind of thing with the items I already own I just go back to the confusion of most of the items I have. I have simplified my closet and removed the things that don't...

Some how I missed a whole day.  I find it amazing how these art projects are only fun for a couple minutes for me.  I wonder what I am missing when I see others talk joyfully of creating with their own littles.

I started reading Julia Cameron's The Right to Write last night.  I even completed the first exercise.  I picked up the book in Asheville months ago but just got around to it.  I wrote a lot about death.  I thought that was weird at first but it does make sense.  I also wrote about some items I am anxious about.  Apparently I have issues.  :)  Who knew?  I really didn't realize I was worried about so many things before.  I think this is the best way to worry (which doesn't seem like the right word- worry is active and this is definitely subconscious.)  Have each thing working itself out quietly in the background.  Having trust that it will all work out gives life this happy, simple flow.  Each moment you have a chance to do or not do and as long as you are full of good intentions no matter what happens, in the end, it works out.  I believe that.  There is some gentle way to live between Nihilism and taking fu...

the swan for the tree.  Oh, wait, that isn't how it goes...  Ah well, I'll keep trying. I've been reading a lot recently.  A whole lot.  And I keep meaning to take a snapshot of my bedside table because it is a little funny.  Piled high and full of different ideas.  I'll get to that... one of these days. I keep thinking of impermanence and how wonderful it is.  I've been using it to get me through a lot of very silly, superficial issues along with the more important ones.  It is funny how you can get so hung up on things that don't matter.   At all. Like my hair.  I love it.  I hate it.  It hardly exists in my mind.  It is plaguing me.  Once in a while I think- oh, it is being cute today!  And while I know intellectually that what my hair looks like doesn't define me, when it is "bad" I really focus on it and wish it was like that girls or this girls or maybe even that bald guy over there.  I've struggl...

On our trip we spent a whole lot of time just enjoying being outside together.  Three year olds don't care much about history.  They can hardly grasp "before" and "after."  They like trees, horses, tiny frogs and sheep though.  And ships and water.  That stuff is real, present.  If you want to know how to live mindfully just watch a three year old exploring a new place.  We're all looking for a specific place to see x, y or z and he is entertained by the ants marching under our feet.  The tiny frogs you would have totally missed because they are the size of your thumbnail.  And when it is time to eat?  "How about here?" It is really magical.  We are caught up in so many thoughts that take us away from the present but a little child can't get out of the present.  Just try telling him he can play in the pool next week.  Go ahead and watch the melt down.  Because to him, next week doesn't yet exist.  And he is r...

Water , originally uploaded by Mr & Mrs Speeed . You know when you have that wonderful feeling that it is going to be a great year? I have it right now. I love it. I cultivate it. I am lucky in so many ways and so I have never been tested as so many people I know are. I have everything I need and most of what I want. I have started a meditation practice in the last month and found a doable yoga class to fit into my schedule yesterday. I have lovely people in my life. I even have a cute dog. I know 2012 is going to be a landmark year. Full of new experiences and challenges. My goal, my only goal, is to flow like water through it. Powerful, graceful water. Moving through the hard places with strength and speed, lingering and stretching out in the peaceful moments. Thank you all so much for being with me in 2011. I hope you'll flow with me in 2012. Happy New Year!

There are many aspects to a healthy, happy life.  You are what you eat they say- but you also are what you think, believe and feel.  For so many people, finding a way to express their spirituality goes a long way towards health and happiness.  I, myself, am still riding high from last weekends experiences.  Hearing of people who have had lives full of hardship and still turn into beacons of light and happiness for others help you see how strong a faith can make you. I use the word faith in the broadest sense I can imagine.  Buddhists, Christians, Hindus, Jews and Muslims all have a faith.  But there are also plenty of people who use looser categories to define themselves.  The medical community has been studying people to find the links between faith and health and while there are studies that go both ways it is obvious that having a personal faith can change our brains and our health . The other night, after a hectic day filled wit...

Today was about as perfect as it could be.  A trip to the zoo with friends, sunshine, running and laughing, dirt eating and perfect homemade pizza.  It felt so good.  I spent nap time cutting out a pair of shorts for the Bug and and suddenly it was nearly five.  After dinner he asked for a hair cut and sat still almost long enough to get his bangs trimmed.  Amazing. Things are moving so quickly with him right now.  Words come pouring out in new combinations every day.  We live in a constant dolphin show and I think every sentence ends in an exclamation point.   I have such a good time when I just let go and am with him.  I struggle so much against the pull to be elsewhere in my head.  The truth is- I never shut down and just exist in the present like I used to be able to.  I am nearly always planning, waiting, wishing. The other day I was at the bookstore with Senor and E and for the first time in a long time I was able to look a...

We have been going a mile a minute since the weather has turned.  Outside as much as possible and running, jumping and riding.  The Bug wore holes in shoes riding his rocket back and forth to the playground.  I've been feeling melancholy with the news from Japan and trying to keep focused on the here and now.  School is going so fast and offering so much information.  I am starting to wonder how much space is in my brain anyway.  I am feeling quite ambivalent about everything except crocheting and sewing.   At least with those things I know I really want to do things.  I even finished crocheting a tank top last night. One of the things I always go to when I am feeling lost or confused is Jane Austen.  Weirdly, I only started reading her books about three years ago.  I started with Pride and Prejudice .  I think that is how you determine which of her books is your favorite.  The one you start with is the most special to you....

So, now my computer is on the fritz.  For real...  But, I just want you to know I have a couple of hats, some zafus and a little cute applique shirt to show you.  And I'd like you to hold me to it. In the mean time I want to ask about how 2011 is going to be for you.  What do you love about yourself that you want to nurture in the new year?  What would you like to change?  What do you need that you aren't getting?  What do you have to give? I'm going to think about these things the next few days myself.  Tell me what you are thinking too.

So many things bouncing around my head... The last gifts are made.  Everything handmade but two this year.  Not that I made so many...  I also didn't buy anything to make those gifts.  Nothing but what was already here.  That feels nice too. I broke down and got a winter coat with my holiday gift from the shop .  Today we went for a walk for the first time in weeks.  Literally.  It has been low 30's during the days since the beginning of December.  I had to have a coat.  Had too.  I'm not sure if it counts against the GSC since I didn't technically buy it...  I got this one  only in purple.  It is super awesome.  Thin, warm, close fitting but not at all binding.  What could be better? Everything keeps breaking around here.  The mini chopper gave up yesterday.  E's diaper covers are going...  You know about the French press, had a I mentioned the mixing bowls? Well, them too. ...

Today Senor and the Bug are visiting grandma's house.  So I have been working on this: And this: And these: The sweater is a new sample for the baby sweater class ( I just realized I never put up a picture of that.  I am far too distracted!) I teach at Lovely Yarns in Hamden.  I am taking July and August off (you know because I work sooo much :) and finishing up a few new patterns (like for the cape ) to teach starting in the Fall.  I have a couple of these on order for babies arriving towards the end of summer.  I love crocheting for babies.  I feel like you can add love and blessings in each stitch. The blanket is for a wonderful friend who keeps coming back for more items.  It seems like every time she has a gift to give she asks if I can make it.  I love that.  I can't even begin to tell you what a compliment it is.  There will be many more of these little quote blankets I am sure. The last picture is silliness....

Yesterday was the equinox. A day of perfect balance. In March the vernal equinox will occur and we will be in balance again. Earth is a funny place. Only two days a year of equilibrium. All the rest we must find for ourselves. In order to find that perfect balance I am going on a little break. I am not going to buy any yarn or fabric for the next six months. I have to use what I already have to create new things. I am publishing it here so that you all can hold me to my word. The rules are no fabric or yarn. I can buy things to help me complete projects (thread, machine accessories, buttons.) This way I can get things done, and make some space. And get really creative for the holidays. Of course, the moment I decided to do this I thought of a million things I wish I had gotten before, but now I have to make due with what I have. And I like that. In theory. We will see how it goes... Thanks for being my willpower. I am going to go unsubscribe to the emails I get from fa...

Fabric.com was having a sale... This is always how these things start... I found this lovely fabric and fell in love. And then it got here and I saw how big the prints were and realized that I couldn't cut it up into small pieces. And then I found that quilt pattern in the link, but really, how are you going to use that size quilt? I needed it queen size so I can sleep under it every night... Yum. But of course, that means doing math that I don't really even know where to start from. And I don't have a name for this block style so it is harder to google. And then I found this calculator ! Which was sort of like angels singing from behind a bright light. Now I can't wait until John is home and I can get cutting! (In re-reading this I noticed I use 'and' and 'but' too start most sentences... hope that isn't a problem for all you English majors out there.)

This is Emerson at two weeks. This is Emerson last weekend. I just can't believe how fast he grows and changes. I can't believe how the time flies by.

Some basic thoughts: 1. Some days I feel like it is not physically possible to feel full because you can't eat that much food in one sitting. 2. The time with Emerson during nursing is so special and wonderful. That said, some days he seems to nurse all day so having a book or dvd on hand helps pass the special time. ;) 3. Fitting back into my pre-pregnancy jeans was a wonderful moment. 4. So was being able to continue my normal married life. :) 5. When they say, "Try to stick with it." about nursing they should tell you a little more. Like, it might still be not be perfectly comfortable at 6 weeks or you will feel tied down in a way that will make you frustrated time to time or there is nothing better than seeing an upset babe relax into your arms. 6. I am now saying amazingly redundant things like, "Wow, I am so glad we already had him!" or "Can you believe we made a baby?" Yeah, I guess it takes a while to sink in... 7. I love having my belly b...

I am a full basket. Or I have a full basket. Or something. My good friend Dawn once told me about this basket theory in counseling. Everyone has a basket that they carry around and they choose what to put in it. Maybe you put your husbands love in there or maybe you put that lady who cut you off this morning in it. Maybe you are still carrying around fifth grade teasing or maybe the way the sunlight comes into your bedroom in the afternoon. The point it is, you choose what goes in the basket. Today in my basket are special coconut macaroons made for me because someone knew I liked them, excitement about seeing my family and friends at Thanksgiving and a few unfinished projects which aren't stressing me but are motivating me for the first time in quite a few months. Also in my basket is a tiny growing baby which is, I understand from reading, about the size of a baked potato. It is funny how something so seemingly full of anticipation is making me calmer and more focused on t...

This tree is on my walk to work and is now totally yellow. Only four days later... It proves that time is moving on. I find that I have been so self-centered in the last month or so that I haven't really noticed anything outside my head or home. I don't mean self-centered in the bad way that most people use it. I have been focused inward by the pregnancy and the sickness and my foot's infection. Just taking care of myself the best I can. Luckily, I have had quite a lot of help. Senor should be renamed Saint Senor. Between dinner and breakfast and letting me just lay down all the time. Wow, not to mention all the normal things he does... Really, if it hadn't been for the tea and oatmeal every morning I think I would have never gotten up except to be sick... Today I decided my stomach really is bigger. It is all so strange. I am feeling better. You know, eating again. I feel like I might be regaining the use of my brain as well. Feeling terrible is a full...

Have you noticed the squirrels? Everyday on my walk to and from work for the last week or more there have been squirrels rushing and digging and hiding. They are so busy with the preparations they are making that they hardly even skitter away when I come by. Just keep digging and rushing. Because things are changing you know. The night coming earlier and a little chill in the air gives us the reminder that we should be thinking of sweet potatoes and pumpkins. Also warning us is the constant twittering. The crickets are playing non-stop, chirp, chirp, chirp. I am not sure what they are saying, maybe just staying warm with the constant motion. And the birds are talking! About migrations and weather and stupid humans, no doubt. So that is what I have noticed. Change is coming.

a while ago I bought this light blue t-shirt. I just grabbed it because it was my color, had a few cute details and said size small. When I got it home I realized it was huge so I thought I would just be wearing it for bed. I liked it and it was super soft but after going through the wash it came out much smaller, very close to the right size in fact. But there was a new problem- I found a few stains on it. I was sad because now it fit nicely but was ruined... And then I thought of something to cover up the stains. So I called my mom and asked if she still had any of the yo-yo doilies my grandmother had made. She had made a huge "quilt" and pillow shams from yo-yos that I always remember seeing around the house that I can't think of using any other way but there had always been smaller pieces that I was wondering about. So mom sent them and dad gave his permission for them to be used and the other day I came up with this solution: And of course, I love it! Yay!