a little inspiration

I promised myself I'd write something this week.  So here I am, trying to figure out what to say.  I feel a bit overwhelmed. I'll start with this- kindergarten has been a roller coaster so far.  I've started to fear the phone ringing in the middle of the day.  I'm not sure what I expected before E started but it certainly wasn't this.  In some ways it is as hard as having him home since we are always thinking up new strategies to help him out in school.  I always think we are getting ahead and then suddenly he takes two steps back. I can tell you one thing.  He is different than other kids.  Not all other kids but certainly "typical" kids.  He cannot control impulses.  He reacts so strongly to situations that might go completely unnoticed by others.  He is obviously very smart but that isn't enough to be successful without constant support. I tell myself that is a lesson for me in impermanence.  Now is not for...

Our days are flashing by.  Today, Emerson went to school for a half day.  Next week he'll start for real and he got into an amazing music program so he'll be at school all day.  I imagine he'll be bushed at the end of the day.  Out OT reminded us to prepare for meltdowns in the first month and to keep our calm so that he can regain his.  I might put some signs up for us. Today is rainy and grey.  Perfect and cool.  I love days like this, they are such a blessing in the summer.  I have a pile of patterns and ideas to work on.  I have marketing work. I have house work.  But it will all keep a little longer.  Yesterday, once the baby (can I call her that still??) was asleep Emerson and I drew pictures and read stories.  I left the dishes piled high in the sink.  I knew there were only a few more days like this left and it was so much more important to just be with him 100%.  It was the right choice.  So seld...

You: :Sign bird, cat, swing, car/truck, wash, water, all done, more  and "I hear" by tapping your cheek near your ear. :Are getting frustrated with things and scaring me a little with your temper. :Will climb stairs all day long - big steps. :Love doggies a lot and all the other animals too. :Want to be outside. :Like to stick our keys in the crack in the door, over and over.  You laugh each time as if this is the most hilarious thing on the planet. :Love the swings. :Are giving out kisses. You click your tongue to get just the right sound. :Cry every night at midnight. :Love motorcycles and trucks. :Were frightened by the drive through car wash today. :Love to meet new people but also feel a little shy when they engage you full on. :Are practically running. :Are past the "easy" part of babyhood.  You are constantly on the go and into everything. :Have a great big brother whom you adore. :Are enjoying the magnadoodle at quiet time. {You weight...

I think my journey towards minimalism began long before I identified the term.  When we were moving down here I started to switch from loving and looking for color to fill our bedroom to searching for white and calm.  There could be details, but subtle, simple was what I looked for.  White sheets instead of patterned, a single white blanket.  A dark wood bed frame to give contrast but also to fall away visually. I love the feeling of that bed now.  The soft texture of the blanket, the cool feeling of the sheets.  One painting, painted by my love for my Christmas gift this year, sets the meditative tone.  A place of peace. But all around it, the clutter.  The noise of life I wouldn't give away, but the stuff I can never find a home for?  Ugg.  I see pictures of rooms without stacks of things everywhere and yearn for that but never knew how to make it happen.  There simply isn't room to put away everything we have in this sm...

This morning we went to a new (to us) park just a few minutes away.  We don't venture to nearby parks much because we have a playground where we live and a park with in walking distance but this morning called for something special as we had multiple errands to run (which is a recipe for disaster with us.)  In Trader Joe's I had several women mention, so sweetly, how they loved his energy or wished they woke up that happy and full of life.  This was before 8:30am.  Did I mention I'm not drinking coffee any more either?  And I greatly dislike loud noisy wild mornings even if I am caffeinated? So I am just trying to smile sweetly and keep up with him because I know there is no way he can get down to my level... (For the record this is what it is like everyday.  We love each other but we are different from each other in fundamental ways that really interfere with us enjoying each other.  I'm pushing myself, struggling, to be more 'up' instead of tryi...

These days are filled with wonder.  She invites me to walk with her with one finger pointed up.  She invites me to hold her with both hands out, twisted so her little elbows touch.  I can almost hear the request, "Hold me?" She loves to put on a necklace or my keys.  They bounce against her ankles as she walks.  She tries to put on shirts and sweaters on her own.  Over and over and over with no frustration.  She accepts help.  She toddles from place to place and tells a story as she goes.  She falls down and just crawls or gets up and goes again.  No frustration unless she is tired.  She seems to already know it is about the process, the journey.  She climbs everything she can.  She can get to the top of his loft ladder.  She is overjoyed as we are terrified. She loves small spaces.  You'll find her in the corner cabinet any time of the day.  She climbs into the toy bin.  She loves her brother. ...

Oh, my!  The weather, people, the weather!  Schools here are starting Saturday make up days now.  You know it has been crazy. Yesterday we were able to go outside and enjoy the not-so-freezing and not-much-snow-left super dirty muddiness.  Where it is actually pleasant to feel the things around you with your hands and with a few extra layers even a little little can crawl around without needing bread bags taped over her legs.  (I kid you not.) Emerson dug around a little and you could see under the leaves and dirt the plants are almost ready to start growing.  You could see the moss starting to fuzz up.  I am trying not to rush through, but you know, Spring is so much more alluring than the mud and snow.  And with a baby on the cusp of toddler-hood I know she'll be so excited to be down on the ground more. She is at the very-nearly-walking phase where you often turn around to find them taking a few steps surreptitiously.   An...

With markers on a snowy, blowy, sunny day.  Both kids are pushing cars around the floor and watching the weather change moment to moment with me.  What a dreamy afternoon.  Hope yours is too!

The 24th got lost in there somewhere.  The baby has entered the magical age where she says, "Deedle, leedle, deedle," over and over.  Just like her brother.  John and I are so fawning over it and Emerson now knows why his pet polar bear is called Deedle and he is so proud.  Look at his wonderful writing!  I love to see this happening. She is 9 months in a couple days so I'll keep the big things to myself a little longer, but she is working and growing like crazy.  These swings are in our back yard.  You can't see, but his face was as joyful as hers.

I find myself intensely wanting some document of this time as we transition to a new place.  I am going to try for another photo project for the next 30 days.  Here we go.

Today I took the plunge and went through some of the things waiting for me from the basement.  Mold everywhere.  It makes it easier to throw it all away.  The things are just things, I keep saying.  A lesson in attachment.  I am who I am without those things.

This is a picture from our trip this summer.  I keep meaning to share about it but we live in a whirlwind and I like to take the quiet times and keep them quiet. Yesterday Emerson went in while the baby was waking from a nap and I was making dinner and got her to go back to sleep himself.  Insert binky, pat, leave.  Quite amazing and if it only happens once I want to remember it forever anyway.  She adores him.  Utterly, completely. School has been such a help for him.  He is more and more fun to be around and the really hard days are harder and harder to find.  The other day we were at a play place and two parents came to tell me how special it was that Emerson was playing with and helping their children.  Magical.  I love being able to just love him more, being less frustrated. She wants to crawl.  She rocks and wiggles and tries again and again.  Soon things will be harder and more fun and gah, I'm about to burst with t...

Things I was reminded of today: : you can get a fat lip before getting out if bed. : a bit of tea in the afternoon can be a mini vacation.  Even in August. : the words you most need to hear will come when least expected and from surprising sources. : those side lying sit ups are hard work that feels great.

I gave up on facebook.  Cold turkey is tough.  I am trying not to give up on anything else. Present.  I will be present.  I can do it.  I don't have to escape. So, hopefully there will be more snippets here.  There are plenty of pictures and ideas to share.  And I need the outlet.  Who knows if anyone will come anymore...

I'm preparing for another sewing weekend.  I am using patterns from Simple Modern Sewing and The Stylish Dress Book.  I realized I am altering all of the patterns I chose at least a little.  I can't leave well enough alone, lets hope that works out for me.  I have a pair of linen pants for me and I think I will gather them at the ankle harem style. I have a dress I am losing the collar and sleeves on.  Using a fabric I've had around a while and been really hoping to use.  I finally got brave enough to cut it. I have a shirt that I can't decide whether to make into a dress last up for cutting.  All the others are cut and bagged.  I still need to buy a few items like thread and elastic.  All these items are pretty simple.  I am using binding instead of facing in most cases and only the dress has some things to it that are new ideas.  I have great hope (as you can see.)  I also am bringing the finished quilt top fr...

You: : Still hiccup like a mad hatter. : Are so alert and watchful.  You follow Papa around the room with your eyes. : Get a lot of kisses from your big brother.  When he wakes up in the morning (at silly o clock) he has to come in and touch you. : Are still sleeping so well. : Seem to have an upper lip tie and possible posterior tongue tie.  This is making nursing an adventure (mostly for mama.) : Have been on your first road trip to Oma and Opa's for the weekend. : Are starting to smile and have a double dimple on your left cheek.  I can't wait to see more of it! : Have outgrown your newborn clothes.  You weighed 9lbs, 5 oz last week!! : Sleep through your big brothers loud, loud antics. : Have the most expressive little eyebrows. : Love to snuggle. Oh my, we do love our baby Sissie!

Each day I realize that this is likely the last time time I will have a baby this age.  Each day I look at her and say, "Ten days, this is what ten days is." I try to drink it all in so I can remember every moment.  Not to form an attachment.   Not to hold onto to something that is impossible to keep.  Just to truly enjoy each moment.  Not to miss or dismiss the everyday for the miracle it is.  These little hands will be bigger tomorrow.  This face will change.  Her body will grow and her needs will be different. Right now she is so happy to cling onto my shoulder and sleep the day away.  Or nurse and coo.  Or look questioningly into my eyes. Right now she wants nothing more than to be close and fed and warm.  And now I know for sure that this is the easiest part of her life.  Our simplest relationship is right now, when her demands are few and my desire to care for her is so great. ...

On her first day she met all of her grandmas.  One by one they came.  Morai, of course, was here from the beginning, then Nana and finally Oma.  How lucky could a girl be?  Aunt Carolyn and Uncle Justin came too.  Emerson brought everyone in and sang  happy birthday.  Sara came back in the evening just to reconfirm that a baby had been born.  It had all happened so fast!   On her second day she visited the doctor and got the diagnosis of, "She looks beautiful and healthy!"  Then we stopped by Whole Foods and caused many sighs and gasps.   On day three we went and got her blood work done.  She cried and screamed while they were squeezing her foot and then passed out as soon as they wrapped her foot up in gauze.  She shows a distinct preference for having her feet covered at all times.  Socks are best, footed sleepers are okay.  Bare is unacceptable.   She sleeps and sleeps, through noise a...

Tomorrow night John and I are planning on our last planned date forever. :-)  Indian food and a show.  I am going to see if I can still fit into my skinny (maternity) jeans.  I've been wearing nothing but old navy fleece pants and a maxi skirt for weeks now. It has been raining for days here.  I usually love the rain but this isn't stormy or that warm, just endless drizzle.  We saw blue sky for a few minutes yesterday and I didn't put on my sunglasses because I was enjoying squinting into the little bit of sun.   Today is 38 weeks.  I've been having contractions every night for the last week and keep thinking, maybe, maybe...  But probably we are waiting it out.  In a few days I will be more pregnant than I ever have been since E came in the middle of week 38. I've had the energy to finish a few things this last week and at my awesome craft group with childcare, where I get to go every other Friday, I plan to put all the buttons on the c...

When we first moved I started looking for an acupuncturist right away.  I knew I was holding a lot of stress from the move (and from parenting and for the miscarriage and, and, and...) and I knew that is was important to treat it in whatever way would be fastest.  I felt like having a baby when you already above your threshold is just a bad idea.  Because first, you have to relax to get the baby out and then you use up everything you have left with sleepless nights and (no doubt) the stressed out only child becoming a sibling. I found a really warm and friendly place here called Asheville Community Acupuncture . I'd seen them when looking around for a low cost option and then my midwife sent me that way too.  Perfect.  For the first month and half and cried every time I got there.  The relief of being in a place where people only cared about  me and what I needed was overwhelming.  And then getting to lay down...