Monday, July 30, 2012
I've never really looked forward to winter. I mean, I spent the first years of my life in Haiti and can still remember the first time I saw snow and thinking that that was just crazy! And when you are young and in school you are programmed to look forward to summer. I always looked forward to warm sun on my skin, the chance to get off the schedule.
This year is different. In the middle of this winter we are expecting a new addition to our little family. I cannot even begin to express my excitement. After experiencing the disappointment of a miscarriage it is amazing about ten times over to know a new life is growing inside my body.
Honestly, I've struggled so hard to believe this was true. That it is really happening and not just a delusion. We saw the heartbeat at 8 weeks and I heard it at 12 weeks. After hearing it I began to believe, to trust.
So now, here I am, dreaming of cold days full of entertaining a nearly 4 year old and cuddling a newborn. And if it wants to be a cold year this time and snow us in that sounds just lovely to me.
In the mean time I will enjoy this last bit of summer with just me and my boy while we'll have to time to run and play, snuggle and yell, discover and build. Just the two of us most days for a little longer. I'll try to savor each day.
Friday, July 20, 2012
: The sound of Emerson playing (bands, catching fish, rolling cars to Desi...) with his Moriah.
: The ease of dinners this week as I remembered to take my own advise and use my meal planner.
: The sound and feel of rainy, misty days. And storms.
: The fun of wrapping presents for friends in painted paper and then covering them with stickers.
: The thought of painting the dining room a lighter, brighter white.
: A really great book that is helping keep me right where I belong. Parenting for Peace.
: The thought of a weekend coming. Yay for weekends and Papas and Grandmas!
: The thought of my dad having a great time at VMD this year.
Monday, July 16, 2012
I love that we are now in the season that our garden dictates our meals to some extent. Would you like some cherry tomatoes with that? No? Well, here, have them anyway. I love being able to eat from the garden too. The problem? I have no interest in maintaining the garden. Or maybe, that isn't exactly true but I have two very strong objections to working out there.
One is the heat. As I get older my ability to withstand heat gets lower. Sometime after I moved to Baltimore I got heat stroke working on my car in front of an Advanced Auto. Let me tell you, the guys who worked there were really impressed until I fell over. Then they were kind enough to bring me in and sit me down and get me some water. I can be still in the shade in Baltimore heat, but bending and standing repeatedly to pull weeds makes me dizzy as anything. (Heck, standing up inside in air conditioning can make me black out, so I guess that is no surprise.)
The other problem is mosquitoes. For real. They love me like butter loves bread. I'll walk to the garden and pick a couple leaves of something and come back with 5 bites on the legs and 4 on the neck. All of which will swell into huge welts with white centers making some strange Jurassic continent map. And if I have that many, Emerson has twice as many all over his face and little legs swelling the same way. Apparently he got that from me. Sorry kiddo!
So, for the mean time, John does most of the work out there after planting. And, let's face it, he already has a whole lot of responsibilities. So the garden only gets so much attention and we only get so much yield. That's okay most of the time- who can eat 6 heads of cabbage at the same time anyway?
I hope that some day we will live in a magical place where heat is tolerable and mosquitoes are non-exsistant. Or at least we can maintain a gardener. ;) Until then- anyone want a cherry tomato?
Sunday, July 15, 2012
I'm so excited!! There are several things currently going on that are making me giddy. One is I just bought this book (for the record though- I bought it at my local bookstore, Atomic Books but I couldn't find it on their website) and I am eager to start tracing patterns and cutting fabric. This will be facilitated by another thing that is making me giddy and that is that our little Bug will be spending a week at Camp Oma at the end of July. So I may actually have a chance to make some things. What? A whole day to sew you say?? A whole week?? Crazy talk!
In addition to sewing the possibility of sleeping in until I am actually ready to get up is brilliant. And also nap or whatever if I want. My mother is the best. She did this last year too and it is amazing how refreshing a week off is. This year she'll have three little boys. Because she is fearless like that.
We also may be doing some painting around the house because three years of small child leaves a whole lot of marks and scuffs. And we've been here five years so maybe it is time for a little refreshing. I always want to make things all white recently. You can see the way I am leaning in the last year or so here. John isn't so much in love with this, but I really love the brightness and simplicity. Those might be my favorite words right now. Bright. Simple.
Monday, July 9, 2012
We haven't talked about this guy in a while. He likes to have a pitcher and glass. Honestly, he is less likely to make a mess with this glass set up than with a larger cup. He knows just when to stop pouring. He should, he has been doing it for a year or more.
His language is now very, very good. There are still some sounds he struggles with. Many words that start with an "s" followed by another consonant sound exactly the same. But other than that, you'd be hard pressed to misunderstand him.
When he gets hurt, even if it is really bad, he will struggle through the tears to tell you that it is going to get better. This is funny, sweet, and heartbreaking all in the same moment.
He takes care of Deedle, is his papa, and tells me, "Deedle is so sweet!" Deedle is his baby, his best friend and the child of many mama's and papa's.
He asks me about mama's and papa's and babies of everything. Where is the bug's mama? Her babies? Where is Desi's babies? Are you Desi's mama? What about that lady? Where is her baby?
He says sweet, funny things like, "It was so great to meet them!" and "I want to stay there all night long!"
He took this picture (don't you love the light?):
Monday, July 2, 2012
I started reading Julia Cameron's The Right to Write last night. I even completed the first exercise. I picked up the book in Asheville months ago but just got around to it. I wrote a lot about death. I thought that was weird at first but it does make sense. I also wrote about some items I am anxious about. Apparently I have issues. :) Who knew? I really didn't realize I was worried about so many things before.
I think this is the best way to worry (which doesn't seem like the right word- worry is active and this is definitely subconscious.) Have each thing working itself out quietly in the background. Having trust that it will all work out gives life this happy, simple flow. Each moment you have a chance to do or not do and as long as you are full of good intentions no matter what happens, in the end, it works out. I believe that. There is some gentle way to live between Nihilism and taking full control and responsibility for each and every movement around you. A sweet, soft, middle way. Sometimes I think it is called synergy. When you are flowing on the right path, it does just that: flow. When you are working so hard to struggle through it may be that something needs adjusting.
In other news E loves Pinocchio. I never remember noticing that Jimminy Cricket is a) a terrible conscience b) has quite the eye for ladies c) not very cricket like.
This weekend we get to gather with my side of the family to celebrate a few birthdays. I am looking forward to hugging everyone a lot.