a little inspiration

I promised myself I'd write something this week.  So here I am, trying to figure out what to say.  I feel a bit overwhelmed. I'll start with this- kindergarten has been a roller coaster so far.  I've started to fear the phone ringing in the middle of the day.  I'm not sure what I expected before E started but it certainly wasn't this.  In some ways it is as hard as having him home since we are always thinking up new strategies to help him out in school.  I always think we are getting ahead and then suddenly he takes two steps back. I can tell you one thing.  He is different than other kids.  Not all other kids but certainly "typical" kids.  He cannot control impulses.  He reacts so strongly to situations that might go completely unnoticed by others.  He is obviously very smart but that isn't enough to be successful without constant support. I tell myself that is a lesson for me in impermanence.  Now is not for...

Can you believe it?  Three weeks without sugar.  This mornings breakfast was sweet potatoes cooked with walnuts and cinnamon and then avocado on the side.  It was amazing how the sweetness of the potato came through.  I almost asked if someone have put sugar on it. I still miss nightshades the most.  I've found a few places to grab food when out and stopped freaking out about leaving the house without food.  I can be hungry or I can find something if I have to.  I'm not very nice hungry so I've always avoided it.  Now I am just practicing being with the hunger.  I say to myself, "You are hungry, it is okay.  You will be able to eat again soon.  There is no need to be angry or snap.  You are hungry, breathe deep."  

In my constant search for inspiration I've stumbled onto Zen Habits  and can't believe it has taken me so long to find it.  I have no idea why I chose to read Everything that Remains  in the first place but what a revelation it has been.  Leading me to so many new places.  Zen Habits is definitely up my alley.  He sounds a bit like the voice in my head already. And, of course, I like that.  Who wouldn't want to hear advice and ideas that sound like you only wiser and more concise? We should all read his book The One Skill : The Letting Go eBook and then go on from there and read all the rest of his words.  It is such a powerful little book, an idea that will serve you in every facet of your life.  Every. Single. One. Go check it out.  Tell me what you think.  Tell him too.

Next up? Minimalism.   This is an exciting topic to me, one with many, many branches and sprouts growing off of it. I hope you'll explore it with me. At the time that we moved from the first house we rented in Asheville to the apartment we are in now we threw out so much stuff I can't even begin to describe it all.  I wish there was a picture.  A 12 foot box truck would have been full.  And this was after a move just one year before!  Some of it was forced because of a moldy basement and some of it was baby things outgrown, but much of it was just too much stuff.  Too much!! I am the type of person who remembers where almost everything in my house came from.  I know which of Anjali's clothes came from which person, I think of them every time she wears them.  I know who gave us the shower curtain for our wedding (10! years ago) and think of them when I see it.  I remember who sent each toy, where I bought each shirt and piece ...

With markers on a snowy, blowy, sunny day.  Both kids are pushing cars around the floor and watching the weather change moment to moment with me.  What a dreamy afternoon.  Hope yours is too!

Today I took the plunge and went through some of the things waiting for me from the basement.  Mold everywhere.  It makes it easier to throw it all away.  The things are just things, I keep saying.  A lesson in attachment.  I am who I am without those things.

  This is my newest favorite activity to do with Emerson.  I will call it a Zen activity, in fact.  So simple, so easy.  And yet, complicated and requiring your whole attention.  Fun to do by yourself.  Fun to work with others.  Side by side or more as a team.  Infinite options.  Often quiet.  Sometimes chatty.  Ah.  So if you have a kid who loves to build, do yourself a favor and spend $3 on some dixie cups.  Oh, and the sound of them falling down is lovely and soft. Emerson loves to build, but different than many other kids, he doesn't care about the end result.  He wants to knock it down and start over the instant it gets to some magical "done."  This has really frustrated me with other building materials we use.  Lincoln Logs, Legos, pillows for fort building.  In a weird way, the cups remind me of crochet.  Stacking stitches one over the next to build a shape.  I know it must be ...

If you are local to the Baltimore area you will want to go check out Baltimore Yoga Village schedule this week.  They have some monks from Drepung Gomang monestary in India visiting and meditating and giving talks through June 3rd. It was a lovely way to start the morning.

  Yesterday morning we went to the doctor for the first prenatal checkup.  After a lot of poking and probing the doctor was unable to find a heartbeat.  The fetus was too small and had no movement.  They call this "intra uterine demise."  Most of the rest of us call it a miscarriage. It was a fairly wild ride.  My only hope when we went in was to hear the heartbeat.  The doctor was unbelievably gentle while still being very direct.  I felt sadness right away but never scared or confused.  I imagine in the last twenty years he has given this information to people many, many times.  He said right from the beginning that he was very pessimistic and so I wasn't waiting all morning for the second ultra sound believing that things would be different.  Hoping, of course, but not truly believing. I keep coming back to something I heard in a dharma talk by Thich Nhat Hahn (Tick not han) a few weeks ago.  Life happens when the prope...