a little inspiration

I feel like I have a lot to say but I am not sure what it is.  I have a couple things to share but I have to wait until after a certain someone's birthday.  Because I know he is a loyal reader... Today I went all out, wore my makeup, changed my jewelry and went out and got my eyebrows done.  Because you know in the weeks after the baby comes I will feel like a mess and every little bit helps.  I miss working at Doubledutch  and seeing all the new things as they come in.  I am sure in a few months I will be putting in an order with her to make myself look and feel like a hot mama instead of a hot mess.  (She actually has a special deal going on today- check out the website for details!) I am coming up on 500 posts and starting to think of some kind of giveaway to do... hmmm, what to do??  Something simple but fun.  I'm hoping some inspiration will hit. Today is cold enough that I am actually feeling it.  I have to say the best part abo...

Tomorrow night John and I are planning on our last planned date forever. :-)  Indian food and a show.  I am going to see if I can still fit into my skinny (maternity) jeans.  I've been wearing nothing but old navy fleece pants and a maxi skirt for weeks now. It has been raining for days here.  I usually love the rain but this isn't stormy or that warm, just endless drizzle.  We saw blue sky for a few minutes yesterday and I didn't put on my sunglasses because I was enjoying squinting into the little bit of sun.   Today is 38 weeks.  I've been having contractions every night for the last week and keep thinking, maybe, maybe...  But probably we are waiting it out.  In a few days I will be more pregnant than I ever have been since E came in the middle of week 38. I've had the energy to finish a few things this last week and at my awesome craft group with childcare, where I get to go every other Friday, I plan to put all the buttons on the c...

Over here we have a house full of preparations.  Gathering birthing and newborn supplies, lanolizing diaper covers, and now just starting to think of storing some food away.  John and I are each at our "assigned" reading each night and Emerson has his own "work." We have three particular books that have been a lot of fun and spark great discussions and pride in his new coming role.  It is interesting to hear his thoughts and questions.  I always love the ones that start out, "Well, you, know, when I was a baby....." I'll start at the bottom of the stack.  My midwife gave us "Welcome with Love" to read.  The pictures are sweet, the one telling the story is a boy about E's age.  It is calm and full of little bits about how it will really be.  Mom makes a lot of noise, people cry when the baby is born, there is a picture of the placenta.  All things he may see and hear.  I like that it also is a birth that takes place in the winter an...

Grainy pictures from a rainy day.  But I wanted to share these because I think they are so cute.  E decorated some shirts for Sissie.  I drew the circle and had him add the eyes and arms and legs.  He added the mouth (over the eyes), nose and hair. He also wanted to decorate the one where you open it so when you change her diaper, "It will be pretty!"  I just tried to keep a straight face. This was about a 5 minute art project.  Just the right length to keep it happy. Happy New Year!

This is more like what most days feel like.  I am standing still and everyone else is a blur.

I found the WNC Nature Center a bit by accident.  I would have looked for it more in Spring because the name led me astray, but when I passed a sign that pointed to way I had to check it out.  Turns out, it is a zoo with only local animals and farm animals.  Perfect really.  I was imagining lot's of trails and things like that.  Not so perfect for the winter and this belly. We've been three times in the few weeks we've been here.  It is a small place but it wasn't until this last time that we even walked the whole thing.  Because the farm area is so engaging we can't get him out.  I mean, how can you leave this giant bunny .  Especially when it isn't a "petting" animal but it stays there while you sneak your arm in and the lovely people who work there don't seem to mind a bit. Right next door to him is a little area for doing "farm work." A couple small wheel barrows, rakes, shovels and bean bags.  And some hay to feed through the ...

I am a storm of crochet.  I made tiny baby bonnet in a day.  And I tore half of it out to start over once.  I have been washing diapers to prep them so I can pack them away and not think of them again until she is here. She.  This is taking some getting used too.  I said "it" all the way through my pregnancy with Emerson.  I said "it" for 9 weeks before I miscarried.  I said "it" for the last 14 weeks or so.  "It" is hard habit to break. So in addition to she, until we are really settled on a name, and even afterwards, her nick name will be Sissie.  This is what my grandmother went by most of her life.  In this pregnancy I have felt Grandma Sissie by my side many times, even though she dies when I was 15.  Her husband, Jerry, died the year Emerson was born and I know he too would have been elated to know I was having a little girl.  He would have known she was nearby too. So, Sissie she will be.  I pulled out the gold...

Once upon a time, there was a mama who crocheted.  One winter she started making a baby blanket for a baby that didn't exist.  A little baby girl who would need to be tucked into a soft warm blanket of wool and silk. A few weeks after she finished this magical blanket, she found out that she was indeed pregnant.  Surprised and excited, she wondered if it would be the little girl who had inspired the blanket.  Not long after she found out the baby had died.  The mama was so sad, but had little time to grieve, for she had her hands full with an amazing and wild little boy. While waiting to get pregnant again, the mama worried that she wouldn't trust her body.  And when she finally had the happy news that a new baby was growing inside of her, the mama became almost paralyzed with fright.  Because more than anything, she wanted this.  She knew that another loss would be more than she could stand. Soon, but not so soon, it appeared ...

  We are waiting on the ultra sound next week to see the gender of this baby.  We are waiting for the cooler weather and camping trip coming up.  We are waiting to see if my first batch of homemade yogur t will turn out.  We are waiting for other news I can't share yet. But it is good! I am trying to enjoy the fluttery feelings of excitement.  I am trying not to rush the days past.  Trying to love each happy or trying moment.

:Feeling my body expand each day and making peace with the welcome discomfort. :Finding myself reacting sensitively to well meant comments and laughing at myself right along with feeling agitated. :Wondering how a person can think so much about diapers.  What a weird obsession. :Loving the few stitches here, few stitches there, crocheting that is happening. :Enjoying seeing Emerson do new and more responsible things each day. :Trying not to be too hard on the other things. :Amazed at this beautiful, gentle August and it's pleasant weather. :Hearing all the sounds of bugs and birds and bells in my neighborhood. :Realizing that spelling is still not my thing. What is in your right now?

I've never really looked forward to winter.  I mean, I spent the first years of my life in Haiti and can still remember the first time I saw snow and thinking that that was just crazy!  And when you are young and in school you are programmed to look forward to summer.  I always looked forward to warm sun on my skin, the chance to get off the schedule. This year is different.  In the middle of this winter we are expecting a new addition to our little family.  I cannot even begin to express my excitement.  After experiencing the disappointment of a miscarriage it is amazing about ten times over to know a new life is growing inside my body. Honestly, I've struggled so hard to believe this was true.  That it is really happening and not just a delusion.  We saw the heartbeat at 8 weeks and I heard it at 12 weeks.  After hearing it I began to believe, to trust.  So now, here I am, dreaming of cold days full of entertaining a nearly 4 yea...

  Yesterday morning we went to the doctor for the first prenatal checkup.  After a lot of poking and probing the doctor was unable to find a heartbeat.  The fetus was too small and had no movement.  They call this "intra uterine demise."  Most of the rest of us call it a miscarriage. It was a fairly wild ride.  My only hope when we went in was to hear the heartbeat.  The doctor was unbelievably gentle while still being very direct.  I felt sadness right away but never scared or confused.  I imagine in the last twenty years he has given this information to people many, many times.  He said right from the beginning that he was very pessimistic and so I wasn't waiting all morning for the second ultra sound believing that things would be different.  Hoping, of course, but not truly believing. I keep coming back to something I heard in a dharma talk by Thich Nhat Hahn (Tick not han) a few weeks ago.  Life happens when the prope...

  This little sweater is called Bombay Love .  I made it for a certain someone who will be joining our family around the middle of September.  The white is a super wash wool I had a little left over of and the other is the Donegal tweed I have so much of.  I'm saving the button choice for after we find out the gender. I feel very lucky that the first trimester has so far been much, much easier on me that it was with the Bug.  But it is a time of very low productivity (at least outwardly.)  A time for resting and dreaming and doing the work you can while your feet are up and the dog is curled next to you.  So, you can imagine, I'll have a few crochet projects to share in the coming weeks... I've been waiting to say anything here until I had told the Bug.  It was weird because I really had no idea how he would take it.  If he would care or get upset or ask lot's of questions.  And (have you noticed?) I am terrible at keeping secrets....

The ticker says 15 days.

1. This quilt which I started last summer. I had been not finishing it because I was afraid of cutting and binding it. The the other night I came home and just did it. It isn't perfect, but it is now on our bed adding a little extra warmth instead of wasting away in a bin, waiting for me to finish it. 2. This baby blanket which I started crocheting when I was like ten weeks pregnant. Now the baby can come because it has a mama-made blanket... 3. And speaking of the baby.... It is complete as well. I hit 37 weeks and so I am considered "full term". That means the baby is welcome to come whenever it is ready. Yay for baby!

Do you see the ticker saying 30 days left... Have you noticed my belly jumping around as if there is someone living inside? Today was all baby moving, all day. Starting this week I go see the midwife once a week. Tomorrow we meet our doula. In other news I have to redo the garden plan. Senor tillered more space for me and I have more to fit in... Can't wait to see you all at the party!

Next weekend is the garden(ing) party... This weekend is the prep work... The plants have come. The garden is planned. The ground is tilled. And fertilized. In addition I have packed my bag for the hospital. Senor felt contractions the other night while I was asleep and he had his hand on my belly. So he thought it was time to be prepared... This week we also hired a new me at work. So I can train her and send her to all the events. Yay for preparing!

I am now that pregnant lady who folds her hands across the top of her belly because it is the most comfortable place for them to be.

Okay- I took some pictures- yay! And I couldn't sleep so I eventually went downstairs and made not one but two changing mats for the baby- before breakfast. Anyone who actually knows me should understand just how bizarre that is. I generally (thanks to the magnificent Senor) don't get out of bed until after breakfast on the weekends. Seriously- unless it is to go somewhere for breakfast. I decided to make two of these because it would be easier it I had one ready even if I needed to wash the one I was using. I used the tutorial from sewtakeahike check out her other tute's listed in the sidebar. I am sure you'll find something you have to make. You may remember the fabric on the outside from our chair upcycle last spring. (Can you believe it has been that long??!) And the flannel is from that never ending sheet I bought for $3 at the thrift store forever ago. And the binding is from Cindy's grandmother's stash. Yay. I used snaps instead of velcro becaus...

Ten days that I have been imagining things to write. Imagination only seems to work if you then do something with it... I have been having so much trouble with the doing something part through out this pregnancy. All I want to do is lay down and space out when I have a moment... Spring is here and I am soooo happy to see that the tree outside is blooming and the bulbs out front are coming up. Soon we will have lots of plants to put in the ground and I am soooo excited about that as well. I think we are heading out on some garden related errands this morning. My belly keeps getting bigger and I am not really sure how much bigger it can get. It has officially swallowed my waist and while I can still reach my feet, I'd rather have someone else help if there is any sock or shoe manipulation to be done. I think stretch marks are about burst out everywhere... sadness... We took dinner to one of the other couples from our birth class last night and heard all about the birth and hos...