a little inspiration

This morning we went to a new (to us) park just a few minutes away.  We don't venture to nearby parks much because we have a playground where we live and a park with in walking distance but this morning called for something special as we had multiple errands to run (which is a recipe for disaster with us.)  In Trader Joe's I had several women mention, so sweetly, how they loved his energy or wished they woke up that happy and full of life.  This was before 8:30am.  Did I mention I'm not drinking coffee any more either?  And I greatly dislike loud noisy wild mornings even if I am caffeinated? So I am just trying to smile sweetly and keep up with him because I know there is no way he can get down to my level... (For the record this is what it is like everyday.  We love each other but we are different from each other in fundamental ways that really interfere with us enjoying each other.  I'm pushing myself, struggling, to be more 'up' instead of tryi...

Good morning!  How are you all?  Is anyone still here?  The last couple months have been busy and then this last one has just slammed us all with many new things.  There are several that I'd like to share with you and then I am hoping to share the journey too.  At the same time, since it is not all about me, I need to maintain some boundaries (which I quite admit I am not great at.)  I hope you'll find the journey interesting and you'll share it with other friends who might be going through something similar.  I'd love to start an actual dialogue here instead of just hearing my own voice, so if you have a comment or idea or story to share, please do. The first big change is my diet.  You know I am trained as a Health Coach and many of you know that before my son was born I struggled with Ulcerative Colitis.  Pregnancy and nursing somehow delivered the perfect cocktail of hormones to stop the disease in its tracks but in the last few mon...

I must tell you I am still quite perplexed to find myself with a One year old baby.  How has this happened?  How could she still seem so small and baby-like ?  I am not sure if I am just delusional or if Emerson actually was farther along at this age.  He was really trying to walk I think, and that makes a difference.  Also, there wasn't a 4.75 year old to compare him to.  I know that makes her seem smaller. She is a delightful creature.  Full of smiles and jokes.  Easily frustrated and easily calmed. This was made using the same pattern for the hedgehog dress .  I still didn't cut the front and back pieces in two, just added a little extra in the front to make the gather.  Emerson picked the shoulder buttons and I came across these felt buttons I have had since E turned one.  I put them on to remind of a dog foot print as our party was, of course, a wolf party. I made this hoping it would be her birthday dress but it...

After all the things I've made over the years, all the time sewing and crocheting and pattern making and altering you'd think a Christmas stocking would be a walk in the park.  Not so this one.  It took three attempts, one broken needle (!) and a trip to my favorite local fabric store, Kitsch , to make this incredibly simple stocking. If I remember correctly, when I made E's it wasn't so easy either.  In fact, his came out backwards.  What is it that is so hard about this simple project for me?  I've no idea. But it is a good metaphor for all the simple things I make hard for myself each and every day.  I know that sometimes I am just making it harder for me (because really, if you are making it hard for those around you who suffers? You got it.)  I've been trying really, really, REALLY hard to stop it.  Just stop completely and back off.  With any luck, by the time I'm 85 I'll have the hang of it.  I already know I am better at i...

You: :Just saw your first snow and were completely fascinated. :Have started standing.  And even letting go while doing it.  Your head is bruised and your mama is nervous, but you are strong. :Pushed a laundry basket around the room walking after it.  Holy goodness. :Love food and are ready to eat, eat, eat.  You pull my arm and grab things away from me. :Are crawling everywhere.  You look so cute, like a doll when you are crawling.  It kills me. :Love playing in the vertical blinds.  You are surprisingly gentle with them. :Climb on me and give me zerberts. :Crawl to outlets to pull out the "childproof" protectors and chew on them. :Think the dog bowl is your personal splash park. :Rub your feet together vigorously when you are excited. :Like dancing to music. :Smack your lips when you know you are about to nurse. :Have two teeth on the bottom and I can feel and see four on the top about to break through. :Love playing in your brother...

You: :Are smiling in recognition now.  I rolled over in bed the other morning when you woke up and you gave me the biggest smile. :Adore your big brother.  He gets lots of smiles and even some giggles. :Are starting to laugh but really reserve it.  You seem more reserved than your brother was. :Just went through an upper lip and tongue tie revision.  It was hard but you are nursing better and having fewer hiccups already. :Have been grabbing things.  I found you with your blanket held in each hand inspecting it the other day. :Make the cutest bubbles and are starting drool more. :Stay up and engaged longer. :Still have the ever changing eyes. :Sleep wonderfully at night and during the day in the car seat or Dolcino. :Are starting to bat at the toys hanging on your floor gym. :Are super snugly.  All the ladies working at the Y want to hold you while I take classes. :Have the most calm and curious temperament so far. :Seem to be...

You: :Are so bright it hurts sometimes.  The endless why's and how's often leave us stumped or frustrated, but we know it is because you are working out how every. little. thing. works in this world. :Love and adore your baby sister.  You are an amazing big brother to her and she loves you to the stars and back again. :Have a fantastic imagination.  I hear you while you play of on your own making up the best stories. :You are obsessed with eating (and being eaten) and guns and swords and shooting swords right now. :Love having bedtime with Papa, reading or making up stories and getting your squeezing massage. :Argue just about everything.  Even when you get your way. :Love playing with the kids on our street and having wild adventures with them. :Still eat applesauce and yogurt and powder just about every day. :Sometimes wish we'd go back to Baltimore so you could play with your old friends. :Are making tons of new friends here.  I am...

This is my 500th post.  I've been writing and sharing here for 5 years.  I've tried many new things, had some success and failure.  I've made a couple babies, lost a few pets and moved.  It has been a wonderful time.  I want to thank you for coming along!  I love that this serves as a true online journal for me and I can look back and see the evolution and the bits that have stayed the same. One thing, which I find mind blowing this morning, is that I have been a full time stay at home mom for nearly 4 years now.  It is true, I tried a few months of part time work, but it wasn't worth it in the end.  And that is really saying something.  I have never had a single job for more than a couple years.  And I liked this job so much that I wanted to do it again.  I have never in my life been as fulfilled, frustrated, drained and energized by a job.  Everything else I ever did was just for a paycheck.  I went to work just ...

I’d had a few nights where I really thought she was coming with gentle contractions forming distinct patterns and continuing for hours at a time.  The previous Saturday when I saw my midwife, Sara, she thought I really looked like I was in early labor and expected to get called back that night.  So when I was still pregnant the following Saturday we talked over my previous birth and how I’d never really gone into labor myself.  She offered me the option of taking some cotton root bark the next time I had contractions to help things move along into a more active pattern.  Something that if my body was as ready as she believed it was would help my body commit.  After having such a confusing week I thought it sounded pretty good. That evening I began having contractions again, stronger than before so I went ahead with the cotton root.  It was also the night of the full moon, called the Wolf Moon by Native Americans and it was bright as a street light shining...

  I can't believe it is New Year's Eve.  Life is so different than it has been before that I can't quite keep up with the time.  So here are some thoughts that have crossed my mind today. 1- I am so thankful.  Thankful for friends and family and even some kind strangers.  I am thankful for you for reading and checking in even when I display a complete lack of "having it together."  Thank you! 2- I can hardly believe the things that started this year as ideas and have come to fruition.  At the beginning of the year we were just plotting on how to get to Asheville.   Now we live here.  At the beginning of this year I was pregnant and then miscarried.   Now I am exactly one month from my due date.  Both of these things are so big I am surely missing the point, but I am living them each day and trying to enjoy each moment. 3- My son is changing so much.  He makes me crazier than crazy but he also is kind, tells fantastic st...

We have spent the last week without Papa.  Finally, yesterday he arrived and we are all together again.  E did so well, but he really is a Papa's boy.  Others have a place in his heart, but not THE place. When Papa got home E was glued to his side.  Even though we were getting back in the car to go to visit family for Thanksgiving and Papa had to get ready.  E helped Papa shave most of his week long beard off. They are so sweet.  I am so glad to see them back together again. I think he likes his Sissie, too. Hope your day was full of love!

Our little guy has been coughing non-stop since he went to bed last night.  All day yesterday it was building.  All night he called for Papa any time Papa tried to sneak away.  Almost all day today E has been playing, cuddling and coughing on his Papa.  Thank goodness for having your very favorite person around when you are sick!  I am a little afraid of what it will be like tomorrow when John goes to work. I've been re-arranging and sorting and throwing things out all day.  Why, you ask?  Well, because we are moving!  We are packing up this troop and taking the show on the road.  Okay, not quite, even if it does feel like we are managing a circus.  We are moving a few states away.  Next week I am going to go down and look at houses.  I am excited, terrified, overwhelmed, and a little shell shocked.  It is something that we've been planning for about a year so for things to finally fall in place seems somehow wild. H...

I am a storm of crochet.  I made tiny baby bonnet in a day.  And I tore half of it out to start over once.  I have been washing diapers to prep them so I can pack them away and not think of them again until she is here. She.  This is taking some getting used too.  I said "it" all the way through my pregnancy with Emerson.  I said "it" for 9 weeks before I miscarried.  I said "it" for the last 14 weeks or so.  "It" is hard habit to break. So in addition to she, until we are really settled on a name, and even afterwards, her nick name will be Sissie.  This is what my grandmother went by most of her life.  In this pregnancy I have felt Grandma Sissie by my side many times, even though she dies when I was 15.  Her husband, Jerry, died the year Emerson was born and I know he too would have been elated to know I was having a little girl.  He would have known she was nearby too. So, Sissie she will be.  I pulled out the gold...

  This little sweater is called Bombay Love .  I made it for a certain someone who will be joining our family around the middle of September.  The white is a super wash wool I had a little left over of and the other is the Donegal tweed I have so much of.  I'm saving the button choice for after we find out the gender. I feel very lucky that the first trimester has so far been much, much easier on me that it was with the Bug.  But it is a time of very low productivity (at least outwardly.)  A time for resting and dreaming and doing the work you can while your feet are up and the dog is curled next to you.  So, you can imagine, I'll have a few crochet projects to share in the coming weeks... I've been waiting to say anything here until I had told the Bug.  It was weird because I really had no idea how he would take it.  If he would care or get upset or ask lot's of questions.  And (have you noticed?) I am terrible at keeping secrets....

Happy Valentine's Day.  I always like a holiday dedicated to eating chocolates and telling people how much you love them!  This morning I was nudged awake at 6am sharp so that I could hear a singing card.  The Bug had gotten it in the mail yesterday from his Nana and Pappy and Aunt Carolyn (they have a little tradition with the singing cards.  Remember this ?)  It is obvious that he had slept with the card and had been waiting all night to share it with me (I didn't come home for dinner last night, I was at meditation until after he was in bed.)  It was the sweetest way to wake up way too early I've ever experienced.  He said, "You want to hear it again, Mama?" Of course, darling, of course!   After that I sent him down to find Papa so I could pull myself out of bed and head downstairs to make breakfast.  You heard me. I. Made. Breakfast.  Crazy talk!! In all fairness, I cheated.  I made a Dutch baby,  from this recipe ...

Water , originally uploaded by Mr & Mrs Speeed . You know when you have that wonderful feeling that it is going to be a great year? I have it right now. I love it. I cultivate it. I am lucky in so many ways and so I have never been tested as so many people I know are. I have everything I need and most of what I want. I have started a meditation practice in the last month and found a doable yoga class to fit into my schedule yesterday. I have lovely people in my life. I even have a cute dog. I know 2012 is going to be a landmark year. Full of new experiences and challenges. My goal, my only goal, is to flow like water through it. Powerful, graceful water. Moving through the hard places with strength and speed, lingering and stretching out in the peaceful moments. Thank you all so much for being with me in 2011. I hope you'll flow with me in 2012. Happy New Year!

We laid around and lined up ducks all day.  And train tracks.  It was a good day.

Drive, work, wander, haircut.  Presents!!!  Tomorrow we leave.  I'll be back to fill in the gaps in this space next week.  All my love to you all!  Merry Christmas and be good to one another.

I just celebrated thirty years on the planet.  I have had some discomfort over the last year coming to terms with the idea.  Not because I think thirty is old but because I have been twenty something for such a long time.  I did also think you would feel more grown up when you got to thirty.  And since I so often feel seventeen in my head the disparity can be glaring... When I was twenty I moved to Baltimore. When I was twenty one I moved onto the career path that took me into event marketing. When I was twenty two I  realized I was staying in Baltimore for a while. When I was twenty three I married the most amazing man. When I was twenty four I traveled the country with my husband and met thousands of interesting people. When I was twenty five I experienced great losses at my husbands side. When I was twenty six I began to explore my creative side with sewing. When I was twenty seven I found out I would be a mother. When I was twenty eight I learned...

Oddly, the Christmas spirit is with me very early this year.  Generally, decorating before Thanksgiving and my birthday is something I am not interested in.  This year is a little different because the Bug is able to help (a little) with some simple crafts.  I wanted to do something with him that would be fun, easy, and have lasting appeal.  In wandering around the craft store looking at all the obvious options I came across some beautiful bells and thought it might be fun to string them and hang them in the doorway between the living and dining areas.  I picked largish bells with a nice texture and sound.  I chose a ribbon just big enough to keep them from sliding around but not so big as to be difficult to slip the bells onto. I taped the end of the ribbon and had him pull out the bells one at a time and hold them for me to push the ribbon through.  He loved taking them out of the container and watching them become part of the ribbon.  I cou...