Clearing the View

Each day more things go out the door.  I cleaned no less than the ten items off of the windowsill in front of the sink and that entire counter is free of any "extra" items.  Suddenly I find myself washing dishes in the middle of the day just to keep that area clear.  (This, my friends, is totally unheard of and my husband may be in shock about it.)  The sideboard is also nearly there.  Things don't get put away in my home simply because I can't think of anyplace better to put them.  It seems the only way to clean up is to clear out.  Some books left the house today.  The kitchen is on my list for tomorrow.  The excess is moving out.

All this is leaving room for more thought (hence all the writing.)  A few weeks ago I looked at my husband and asked how I got to age 33 and still had no idea what I wanted to do with myself.  Anjali won't be so little much longer, I'd say I have two more years tops that I'll be home with her full time.  By then I will have not worked a traditional job for seven years.  Not exactly what people are looking to hire I imagine.  But I am not worried about them hiring me so much as me choosing a job that isn't a fit.  After all this time on my own I think I am even worse at putting up with the bs than I used to be.  (And I was pretty awful at holding my tongue before!) How can I be such a grown up and still not know what the hell I want to do with myself?

That is a big part of this exploration of minimalism. I feel that if I can clear away the clutter I might just find out what is at the bottom.  At the heart.  What is important to me?  What turns me on and lights me up enough to do the work it takes to succeed?  I have no idea what it is, but I am determined to keep digging.