a little inspiration

It has been busy around here.  The Bug's first day out of school was Monday and we had a brilliant day.  Visited the garden store.  Took Morai (grandma) to the doctor and played at the bookstore.  Enjoyed a pizza together.  Went out to sweep off the front porch.  The Bug fell down seven brick stairs and landed on concrete.  With a baby gate on his head. Wait- that part sucked.   We rushed off to the urgent care place.  I was very happy to find out he didn't have a concussion and all his limbs seemed fine.  Sadly, his face didn't get off so easily.  Two stitches.  But at least we've got that over with now.  I didn't think that I'd ever be able to hold my own child down while someone sewed him up.  But I did.  I think it is amazing what all of us do as parents.  Give us the option and we will do everything in our power to protect, help or comfort our child.  And afterwards, if we need to fall apart, w...

This past weekend we did something I've wanted to do for a long, long time.  We took the Bug and drove down to a DC Metro stop, bought tickets and rode into the heart of the city.  All last year I wanted to do this with him but was afraid to do it alone.  The time finally came when we were ready. And Papa could come too! It was pure magic watching the Bug see the metro train come into the station, getting on and picking seats, watching and talking about all the things that were speeding past.  And then we went into the tunnel!  How exciting to be traveling underground.  He wanted to know where the grass was down there in the dark.  Why didn't the dirt come in?  What kind of lights are underground?   He has recently been more and more interested in dinosaurs.  I wanted to take him so he could see how big they really were.  I wanted to watch him run on the Mall and go visit the National Sculpture Garden with him.   It...

Months ago, maybe six or eight even, I had the thought to make myself a bag in the style of the ones carried by Buddhist monks.  They are so simple, but with a graceful design.  They have room enough for a book or some crochet or an extra pair of pants for your small one in addition to your regular things.  The crossover strap is perfect in every way for a mother who may have to chase a child at any moment. I found this easy tutorial .  I put it off.  I couldn't decide on the fabric.  I didn't need it that much at the time anyway.  The Bug was still in diapers and then he was in school.  And then a couple weeks ago we decided to pull him out.  So I could be with him all the time again, and I realized I would be wanting this bag.  And I should get on with it.  Really. It took about an hour total.  Cutting, ironing, sewing.  I changed a couple things.  I cut the straps as whole pieces and shortened them a couple i...

Near our home there is Cylburn Arboretum.  This has always been a favorite place, especially right at the start of Spring, when we are desperate to stretch our legs and see the new flowers blooming.  On Sunday we packed up some snacks and the dog and went out for a walk. We discovered snails. And daffodils (he calls them sunflower daffOdils.) We were all eager to be out. (she is sniffing at a waffle ;) And when it got too steep, there was always someone to help. This tree was pretty much the only tree in bloom. As you got closer you could hear the hum. Thousands of fuzzy little honey bees covered these blossoms.  Can you find one? I laid down in the grass and let the sun warm my face.  It was a perfect day.

It is making me so happy to have Spring here so early.  I feel like it is a gift just for me.  There is so much life and beauty around me, how can I be sad?  The sunshine warming the ground and the flowers turning their little faces up.  Branches reaching ever longer in a never ending hope. Thank you all so, so much.  The comments and emails I have gotten have been so meaningful, so full of love and kindness.  You all have brought me such comfort, just knowing how much you care, hearing all of your stories of loss and hope.  Thank you.  Thank you.

A dolphin show complete with wetsuit and mouse from early in the week.

  Yesterday morning we went to the doctor for the first prenatal checkup.  After a lot of poking and probing the doctor was unable to find a heartbeat.  The fetus was too small and had no movement.  They call this "intra uterine demise."  Most of the rest of us call it a miscarriage. It was a fairly wild ride.  My only hope when we went in was to hear the heartbeat.  The doctor was unbelievably gentle while still being very direct.  I felt sadness right away but never scared or confused.  I imagine in the last twenty years he has given this information to people many, many times.  He said right from the beginning that he was very pessimistic and so I wasn't waiting all morning for the second ultra sound believing that things would be different.  Hoping, of course, but not truly believing. I keep coming back to something I heard in a dharma talk by Thich Nhat Hahn (Tick not han) a few weeks ago.  Life happens when the prope...